My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
