first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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