Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
