If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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