i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
