This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
