Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
