my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
