put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
