That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
