peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
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There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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