Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
