Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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