I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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