I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
