fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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