You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
