take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
