im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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