i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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