I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
