we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
