You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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