I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
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