The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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