oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
