i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
