You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
