Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
