There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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