marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
