remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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