i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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