the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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