well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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