I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My dad just said "fuck circus"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
