those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
