I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
