I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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