Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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