The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
