i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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