tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
