ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize