Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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