We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
