I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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