so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
