can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Hippo gnu deer
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
