so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
