omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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