Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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