Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
