I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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