yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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