You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
