i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
