i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
