We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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