So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
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Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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