She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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